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SearchAt Selah House, we are blessed to be a part of so many wonderful lives and honored to be part of their recovery. Recently, a client shared these precious words as she prepares to continue her journey.
In a place I for so long described as empty and arid and hopeless, I feel like the landscape of my soul and being has been brought back to life and planted with so many seeds. There has been both rain and sun in my time here which has allowed for some of the seeds to begin growing up out of the ground. Within this safe place of Selah, this process has begun, but now it’s my turn to nurture and grow these seeds in my own world. It may take time, but as the roots are growing deeper, I am being prepared to bloom and vibrantly blossom. I vow to myself to nurture these seeds faithfully and with kindness.
Oh Selah, you are hard to leave. Never, ever did I think those words would come out of my mouth. I never expected this goodbye to as emotional and challenging considering you are also the place that stripped my security blanket away from me, my very trusty coping mechanism, my wrapped-up identity, and all I have known since high school… probably more precisely, elementary school. But here I am, transformed into a better version of myself, stronger and with the evidence you have worked in incredible ways in my life. You have truly changed the direction of my path two times now and have begun healing parts of my life that have been so very hurt, lost, abused, and corrupted. When I first came to Selah in 2018, I was a shattered human being. Completely at the end of my rope, struggling to take even a breath. It was here that I first felt genuine care from people when I was as so clearly at my very, very worst. I fought and struggled and did everything I could to keep walls up. And in many ways, it worked. But this year it was different. Thank you, Selah, for taking me back and loving me back to health again… greater health than I have known in years.
I know there is tension right now, fear and anxiety, pain and confusion. And still, this place changed my life. I am proud of myself for the work I’ve put in, the scary places I’ve gone and allowed for the most tender and shameful and vulnerable places of my heart seen. I need to say goodbye to this place now, blindly stepping forward into the uncharted territory of my life. Life of recovery and care for myself and hope in what God and others say is true.
Goodbye to all of you girls. Each and every one of you has impacted my life in deep and powerful ways. I am going to miss laughing with you guys, embracing the uncertainties before us, the daily reminders of our lives are worth fighting for, and all the moments in groups where we sit vulnerably and exposed allowing each other to sit in our hurts and fears. Some of you that I have had the HONOR to get to know on a deeper level, I will miss you more than you know. We get to keep in touch and hopefully cross paths outside of these walls, but this time we get together feels extra sacred. Thank you for accepting me and loving me well.
I think my hardest goodbye goes to my team. The amount of gratitude I have for you all is so much that I cannot help but express it over and over again. It is because of you: Kadee, Shelby, Marcie, Darlene, Trina, Chris, and Todd that I am finding myself walking out on the water… still afraid I may start to go under sometimes, but I am doing it anyways with bravery and hope. I hold you all so tenderly in my heart. I sincerely pray that I make you guys proud one day when I am able to help others struggling in similar ways I have. Goodbye to each of you, I know I will think of you daily once I leave here, taking comfort in that you are still routing me on from afar. You have created a safer place for me than I could have ever thought possible, and the impact that has made will NEVER be forgotten.
It hurts my heart letting go, and it is important that I do. I will remember so much from this place, both good and bad, but defiantly mostly the good, the great and miraculous. I have pieces of Selah ingrained like a tattoo in my being- and for that, I am deeply and truly grateful. I pray with all my heart I can take this experience and make it my own outside of these awesome, vulnerable, excruciatingly painful, and glorious walls. To experience being fully seen and fully known and fully loved as I say hello to what is next for me.
I will miss you more than words can express. I love you all, I love you team. Goodbye 💛
You are never alone in your struggle with an eating disorder. Selah House can help you. Learn more about our evidence-based treatment by calling us at 765.442.3551 or complete our contact form.
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“For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name, for your name is good.” – Psalm 52:9
